Coaching the Kids Through Summer
September 5, 2008

"School's Out—Drive Carefully," the bumper sticker cautions us. "Don't forget the Sun Block," the American Cancer Society warns; that well-loved fun in the sun can be hazardous to you health. Public service announcements remind us of the dangers of drinking and driving, or drinking and swimming, on those long holiday weekends.

But what about the children? Accidents are the leading cause of death among children five to thirteen years of age. The accident rate is highest during the summer vacation months. Some of these fatalities could be avoided.

We are often uncomfortable discussing danger with our children; we don't want to scare them. Yet we want to ensure their safety. Not only are we concerned about swimming, driving, and biking safety, but also peer pressure, sexual abuse of children, and drug and alcohol use among the very young.

How much can we say without sounding cynical and pessimistic? In today's world, children need more than the old never-take-candy-from-a-stranger routine. Today's verbally sophisticated youngsters make it easy for parents to assume there is a level of understanding that is not really there. For instance, many five- or six-year-olds will tell you that you should never speak to strangers. However, when asked to explain the word "stranger," the same youngsters will describe giants, monsters, or creepy creatures that lurk in the dark. They would not classify a woman, man, or teenager that they don't know as a stranger. Parents need to make it clear that a stranger is anyone a child has not met at home or at school.

Parents are often surprised at their youngster's difficulty in understanding that he or she is not the only Jason or Heather in the world. A child's name is so significant to her that she's liable to go anywhere with an adult who calls her by it. For this reason, personalized clothing, backpacks, and the like should be avoided. These items give a potential child abuser an extra "in." More importantly, a child should be told that just because a stranger knows her name, it doesn't mean he knows her.

Sexual abuse of children is a fear many parents have, yet often it is a topic not directly discussed with the young. Research indicates that in the majority of sexual abuse cases, the offender is a relative, friend, or neighborhood acquaintance, well known to the child. For this reason, it is crucial that parents explain openly to children the nature of sexual abuse.

A child should know that certain behavior is inappropriate from a friend or stranger. The idea of "body space" is understandable even to a very young child. Explaining that we don't allow anyone to touch our penis or vagina because it is our own private space is simple enough. If using direct anatomical terms is uncomfortable for parents, body space can be defined as "the part of your body covered by your swimsuit (or underwear)." Young children should know to tell us at once if a friend or stranger invades their body space.

With older children, our concerns are not so much, "Will my child know what to do?" as, "Will my child have the courage to do what she knows she should?" The ten- to fourteen-year age group ranks highest in the summer accident rate for children. This is the age of dares. It is often the age of initial experimentation with drugs, alcohol, and sex. With the majority of parents of school-aged children employed full-time, summer often provides long hours of unsupervised time in empty houses. Parents and children need to talk about rules, expectations, and supervision.

It is difficult for kids at this age to say no, even if they are also afraid of saying yes. Most adolescents can't bring themselves to say, "I can't do that—my mother wouldn't want me to." Parents magazine suggests practicing some hypothetical situations with your kids, in which they can prepare some good responses. For instance, if the group suggests diving off rocks at the beach and your child has been taught that it's a safety hazard, she might respond, "I'll visit you at the hospital!" instead of, "It's dangerous; I'm not allowed to do it."

Bicycle safety should be reviewed with children as summer approaches. Identification is important for children who are "about town" on their own. My kids all wear "dog tags" purchased reasonably at Personal Touch; name, address, and phone number are engraved on a disc and worn on a chain around the neck. A physician friend recently pointed out that blood type would be a good idea, too. Such information could save a child's life in a medical emergency.

Take some time soon with your children to talk about the hazards that could interfere with a safe and happy summer. Prepare them for possible dangers and tell them exactly what your expectations are. Then enjoy. But drive carefully...and don't forget the sun block